A Thought

Came across this today on some website.

Q: Heights of Outsourcing?

A: Sonia Gandhi as PM

Mitali

Duks biglo was supposed to be the next one, but I changed my mind…..it’s my blogspot...I can do whatever I want.

I figured it’s time to introduce the female members of the pack. The first one…a particular laughing lady. Let this not be confused with a giggling lady, coz they’re two separate entities.

For convenience sake let me introduce her as a Mrs. Malati Pandhre. Malati happens to be a senior member of the group. I was introduced to her at Kaful Shastree’s party by a classmate of mine. From my preliminary observation and interaction that evening I sensed that Mrs Malati Pandhre was such an adorable and innocent person. My 4 yr research concluded a few months back. A strong trend that emerged from this Nobel Prize wining research was that, looks can be deceiving.

The order in which the above statements were made is purely coincidental.

Mrs. Malati is very popular with her employers. Till date she’s managed to get a raise every month due to her excellent performance. The Indian economy has taken a major beating attributable to the bizarre outcome of the recent elections. However, Mrs. Malati on the other hand is going great guns. Her boss is exceptionally contented with her…her work that is…and as a result her salary of an entry level web page designer is at par with the CEO of her company. I guess she works real hard with the job at hand. Nice.

Mrs. Malati is very popular with the residents of Kothrud. Her accomplishment in maintaining excellent public relations lies in the fact that she spends so much time with them. She makes it a point to visit each and every resident of Kothrud personally. The easiest way to befriend Mrs. Malati is to inform her that you belong to the Kothrud gang. But off late, due to recent developments in Mrs. Malati’s personal life even the Kothrud gang has had to be satisfied with a second place. So who’s this new entry on the chart? Well I’ve not met him personally so I can’t say much about it.

But the fact remains that even the Kothrud gang has met their nemesis. Forget wining…OWTI didn’t even stand a chance of qualifying for the competition.

At this stage of the “Le Tour de Pune” Mr. R.G. wears the “yellow jersey”. People at OWTI have no issues with this development. After all we exemplify the spirit of sportsmanship. What say guys?

Mrs. Malati is an excellent host….she makes excellent fish…..but due to the draught situation in the democratic republic of Congo there is always a water shortage in the “Kashmira Society”. And this is her weapon of choice for not inviting us for dinner. However there’s never a shortage of water when her beloved Kothrud gang is invited for dinner. Nice.

Please note that I am talking about a “Kashmira Society” and not some other similar sounding society.

Mrs. Malati is an outdoor kind of a person. She loves to carry her camera whenever she leaves her house. If you happen to meet Mrs. Malati at a function you can be sure that she is carrying her camera in her purse. It would be safe to assume that a person who caries a camera with her/him everywhere would be an avid fan of photography. Well…you are wrong. Our Mrs. Malati believes in preserving the sanctity of the moment. She believes that if you capture a particular moment in the time frame of a camera, the true moment is lost. For those who have not completed their double PhDs in Physics with emphasis on “Heidegger's interpretation of Relativity Theory” please do not prove your ignorance by asking irrelevant questions.

Mrs. Malati is very social lady. What I absolutely love about her is the way she socializes with all the parents...especially mothers of group members. Due to her high degree of socializing with the Kothrud gang she can never find time to meet other human beings. However she does make an effort to call up our moms once in a while. A typical conversation on the phone would be initiated with “HELLUUUU??? HEMU MAUSHI…..MALATI BOLTEY….OOOOOOO”.

Till date, no one has managed to crack the code and understand the significance of “OOOOOOO”. It has baffled top scientists over the world who suspect a paranormal phenomenon here. This could explain the current research team of 5 research assistants and 4 teaching assistants headed by Dr. Gauri working on it at Bharti Vidyapeeth Pune.

For Your Information Only: Gauri is a ‘He’ not to be confused with a ‘She’.

There is an ongoing court battle between the makers of Matrix and Mrs Malati. She feels that the code used in the Matrix is based on her "OOOOOOO" code and hence Keeanu Reeves should be replaced by a female actor, preferably Hema Malini in the lead role. She feels Trinity is not a part of the code and should be dropped from the cast.

Disclaimer: This is not the person who you think it is. Please restrain yourself from arriving at obvious conclusions. Resemblance of Mrs. Malati Pandhre to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. All parties interested in suing the author should contact his mentor Kaful Shastree directly. Feel free to blame it on Kaful.

The friends I have

If u plan to fly…confirm your tickets way in advance. I learnt this the hard way. Day before yesterday I checked my air fare to Miami and back, it was $240..which I thought was on the expensive side…but I didn’t confirm it, coz I wasn’t sure if my advisor would be willing to give me a 4 day break. Today I decided to pick up those tickets…the price…ahem…a mere $373...OUCH!!! And the best part is I still haven’t spoken to my advisor about it….hehehe….this is going to be a lot of fun.

It’s been a while since I’ve met the “insane lot”. Amol asked me if I was interested in meeting up in Miami coz he’d be making a short trip to Miami (29th – 31st). I thought about it for a moment and agreed. So who else is going to make it? Myself, Rohan, Amol, Gochi and Daks. Nerli ain’t too sure…..Anuya I guess can’t make it coz her mom is visiting her. Atish and Mr. Faggot won’t be joining us since they’ll be attending college this semester. It would’ve been awesome if everybody could’ve made it.

My dad was in the army and as a result I’ve been forced to change schools and friends way too many times. I’ve made numerous friends wherever dad’s been posted to….Almora, Kota, Dehradun, Panaji..etc etc but the classiest of the lot was this group that I met in Pune. I was introduced to them one by one…and over the past few years they’ve become my family.

Talking about being a family…the classiest incident that comes to mind is when we had this get together at RCBC. There was this introduction session organized wherein, one by one all of us had to come on stage with our respective families and introduce them to the audience, so that everybody would know who’s who. And after introducing our parents a snap was to be taken with the family.

Most of us were there with our parents and siblings. All of us go and introduce our families and get a snap taken…and then comes Vadu…..Vadu’s parents couldn’t make it to the function that evening…so Vadu goes on stage and apologizes for his family not being there with him…..there is this moment of silence where everybody feels a bit awkward and kinda sad…Vadu is standing centre stage not knowing what to do coz his family wasn’t with him so how would the snap thing work out….and then all hell breaks loose….the whole of OWTI is on stage with him for the snap…what a tremendous experience. We were his family.

I wish I’d met you guys much earlier…coz now when I think about it, by the time all of us came really close and began to feel that special bond, most of us were already moving out of the city for various reasons…higher education…jobs..ect etc.

It’s amazing to know that in spite of being in different countries today, we are still a family that can depend on each other for guidance and support. Nothings changed….

Thanks guys.

P.S. I went off track today…but in the days to come it won’t happen…the theme is very much in play…maul everyone!!!!

P.P.S. Looking forward to meet you guys next weekend.

Kapil

And then we come to the next specimen from the crazy gang. Let me call this person Kaful Shastree…..please…it’s not who you think it is.

Kaful and I have some thing awesome in common….yes both of us have a group of awesome friends...that too, but what I’m talking about is an association with the classiest institution.

I actually met Kaful a few years back when I gate crashed his b’day party. Kaful being the classy person that he is, didn’t throw me out and was the perfect host. Due to my association with him over the past 4-5 yrs I have had the opportunity to develop my survival skills to their fullest.

Kaful was kind enough to accept me as an apprentice and it was under him that I trained day in day out to master the intricacies of deception and impertinence. Whatever I am today, wherever I am today….I owe it all to Kaful. Kaful altered my life forever.

I used to be one of those warm hearted, caring, loving , courteous breed of losers and look at me today…I am a heartless, self centered merciless successful person. Had I not mastered Kaful’s “invite 10 minute before the movie” funda, I would’ve missed out on so many movies. In the past i.e. before Kaful taught me this “move” I used to sacrifice myself to accommodate others whenever there was a shortage of tickets to the movie, but not anymore…..Kaful you’re the greatest man. The infinite number of times I took sadistic pleasure in exploiting the weaknesses of my friends or the innumerable instances where I insulted my friends on their face without them ever realizing what I’d just pulled off, stand testimony to your art. Kaful my mentor….the more I learn from you the stronger I feel.

I feel as if we have a connection which goes wayyy back in time….I feel as if I’m on the battle field…..the greatest war ever fought is about to be initiated…..I’m in my chariot, armed to the teeth… ashamed at the thought of declaring war on my own brothers….my conscience is killing me….there is so much pain in my heart….what level have I stooped to???...I’m on the verge of giving up…when you rise to the occasion and give me a sermon on the facts of life….Kaful…you altered the course of history man…just like Lord Krishna…or was it Shakuni Mama...whatever. Kaful you’re the man.

And hopefully hanging out with you will get me some thick skin just like yours. I’m not there yet, but with consistent effort I look forward to being totally immune to the feelings and emotions of my friends.

I’m in complete awe of you man. The incident which floored me was, when we were playing cards at your place and you kept a straight face through out the game…everybody thought your game was over….I distinctly recall…the “hukum” was Spade…and in a destiny altering move u produced the “Ispik Ekka”…man ever since that day I’ve been your biggest fan.

Your reputation knows no bounds….even out here in America when the name “back stabber” is mentioned everybody knows we’re talking about the Ace of Spades. Your all-time popularity ranks second only to Elvis.
Kaful I feel so proud to be your student. Thanks man…you’ve always been there for me when I never needed you…as I write this, I’ve got tears in my eyes…such a strong bond we share….Thanks Kaful.

Disclaimer: Guys I know what you people are thinking. It’s not him. I’m talking about Kaful Shastree.

By the way, Kaful has an American passport too…his name on that says Mr. Back S.Tabber. coincidence???

Next show: Duks Biglo Male Giglo

Amol

I know myself too well…I’ve never come across a lazy bum like myself in the past 25yrs. I don’t know how the hell am I going to maintain this blog funda. But I like the concept and the fact that a lot of people from the group are getting involved with it makes me give it a try.
I was trying to figure out what to write….and then I get this classy idea. I’m going to write about the friends I have. The whole idea is to maul them big time….but I know it could turn emotional by the time I’m finished with it. The way I figure I’ll do this is, I’ll write about one particular person per posting…..so hopefully that should take care of my month...hehehe.

I’d like to bring your attention to the first specimen of the crazy breed….I’m not going to take any names coz that’ll put me in trouble….so I’ll just come up with a name for this character. Let me call him Alom Kena. It’s not who u think it is…so relax.

Alom is a successful engineer working in a classy firm doing projects in (as another classy character puts it) in burkinafaso. Alom has a very busy week….he slogs his butt off on weekdays…and then finally as Friday evening arrives he chills at home. Alom likes to stay busy and when he has nothing better to do he indulges in his preferred pass-time. He likes to conjure up fictitious stories about others and just shred their lives. Alom looks forward to Friday evening coz that is when he indulges in what he does best. He thinks of it as giving others a new beginning….coz once he’s done with them, they need to start their lives all over again.

So come Friday and you’ll find Alom rocking in his easy-chair and thinking who should he maul this weekend. Choosing a victim is a very intricate process solved by process of elimination. But off late Alom has become lazy. So what he does is he takes out his collection, of the names of people whose b’day he had forgotten had it not been for me reminding him that morning. Ahem….that would include a particular “leader” and a “matrimony aunty”.

So he sits there rocking in his chair listening to “Satisfaction” by Benny Benassi and sipping on vodka. He does this for maybe half an hour…..and then he gets down to business. He randomly selects a person and the entire night he spends contemplating how he could create a maximum damaging situation. By Saturday morning he has his plan for character assassination in place. And then he starts putting it into action. He works ferociously throughout Saturday. After all he has a dead line to meet. He does not sleep Saturday night too….now that’s what I call dedication. Come Sunday and he is ready. He has his usual Sunday breakfast of green salad….yes green salad….I told you before it’s not who u think…Man!!! So anyway…it’s been a very tiring weekend and he finally decides to go to sleep. That is the reason why you’ll always get his voicemail if u try calling him late Sunday mornings. He claims he was playing cricket or basketball with his friends…yeah right!

He wakes up Sunday night, in time for dinner. Has his bhindichi bhaji…..I told u it’s not who you think… and rice and then heads straight to the computer…after all the final blow is yet to be delivered. So he logs on to his email.com address and posts a mail on his favorite yahoo group. He shuts down his machine and heads for the bed again. After all, tomorrow will be a Monday and he’ll need all the sleep he can catch to get him through the week…cause Friday is far away.

Sunday night at his place, is Monday morning in a particular south Asian country that he hails from. So the moment he sends the mail on his yahoo group, people have an instant access to his crap. The poor victim who if bad luck has it, is still in Alom’s country he/she would have no clue what’s in store for him/her when he/she checks his/her mail the next day. And if the victim happens to be in the south Asian country I mentioned earlier, still no chance of survival….it all happens so sudden that the victim can’t do anything about it.

But the coolest part is when Alom reaches his office and receives a frantic mail from the victim pleading to him to take back his words…Alom reads the mail once….he looks out of his office window…then he reads the mail one more time….he asks his secretary to get him his coffee…she informs him that, getting coffee was not a part of her job…he looks at the computer screen… vindictively sends the frantic plea message to his trashcan. Then he calmly looks at the secretary…scans her from head to toe…this makes her very uncomfortable…and then he nonchalantly tells her…NEET BOL!!!

The victim’s reputation has been thrown to the dogs…there is nothing else to do but to start a new life. Hopefully his/her name won’t come up soon in the super-friday playwin lucky draw…eventually it will…but lets hope it’s not soon.

I would like to emphasize on the fact that it is not who u think it is…. The person who u think I’m talking about, is an angel in reality. He’s a good boy who could never hurt anybody. Any resemblance to him would be purely coincidental…..and Ramesh is straight……yeah right!!!

Next in line…Mr. Back S. Tabber

Just trying to figure out how this thing works