Apology

I was browsing through blogs the other day… basically just reading random stuff. I’m not a book person….I loose patience very easily. However, this loss of patience does not apply to the fact that I don’t mind going through blogs of unknown people for hours and hours. Reading someone’s blog for me is like having a conversation with a person…reading books is like watching a documentary on that person. I can’t really explain it…but I’d take a conversation about “absolute nothing” over a documentary about “absolute nothing” any day. It’s comforting to read stuff written by unknown people and their opinion about life in general. In a real life scenario I’m not sure how many actually act the way they write. I’m not judging anyone… I speak for myself alone. The way I react in a ‘real life scenario’ doesn’t even measure-up to half the standard I set for myself in my ‘ideal life scenario’.

Over the past few weeks I have been trying to deliberate over the way I live….the goals I’ve achieved…the goals I’m yet to achieve…instances when I’ve let myself down… instances when I’ve come clean… instances when I’ve surpassed my expectations. When I say goals I don’t mean career goals…those I don’t bother setting. The goals I speak of are those that you set for yourself as a human being… goals which define your character and are measured in terms of your compassion for others.

So how do I measure up on that scale? I’d say somewhere between lame and pathetic. I try to live up to the standards that I am expected to…but lets face it, it takes a very big heart to live a life where you just give and give…and then give some more…and yet have no expectations. I can safely say that I won’t think twice before doing something for, or giving something up for one of my friends or family….but can I do that for just any random person? I don’t think so….and that I believe is the defining moment… that is the difference between a ‘real life scenario’ and an ‘ideal life scenario’.

When I see people going the distance for an anonymous person purely based on kindness and a warm heart, I can’t help but smile…coz there is hope….and just when I’m all excited I meet a whole bunch of self centered ungrateful people who don’t care one bit about the inconvenience caused to others.

It would be shamelessly convenient for me to place myself into the first category. Nonetheless, I’m sure there have been numerous moments when I was definitely in the later. To all those people out there who I’ve unknowingly hurt and been mean to, I apologize.