SURVIVING WOMEN…

…ok there’s no such concept. It’s a loose-loose situation. Actually it’s more of a quicksand situation…the more you struggle…the deeper you find yourself sinking.
So what do we do…well, for starters you DO NOT argue. If you can appreciate the art of loosing your self-respect and not standing up for your beliefs, you’ve already won the battle my friend.

For all of you bozos out there who actually believe in the concept of Neo Anderson surviving the MATRIX…here’s a news flash….it’s all crap. Neo can never save the world…coz he’s got Trinity on his team. Plus…plus….the oracle is a woman…she keeps giving him the crappiest of advices. I really wish she would shut up and let our man do his stuff. But NO!!!

Here’s my theory…there is this negative central energy….which basically is a kitty party with all women gossiping about every single person. Due to their close proximity with each other, there is a lot of instability in the universe. To counter this there is a need to introduce a positive form of energy…which would hopefully stabilize space. This positive energy comprises of my brethren who’ve come together to form an allegiance to fulfill the greater cause… defending humanity. That and the fact that Cricket is a team sport.

For all those beginners out there trying to survive women, here’s some friendly advice I picked up from my mentors… “In an argument with the fairer sex, if it turns out you are right, apologize at once.”

I have friends of the opposite sex who keep cribbing…“I look too fat in this…I look too thin that…I look too short in this … I look too tall in that”…so once in a while I muster the courage and ask them to stop whining….the end result… end of civilization, as we know it….hehehe.

I mean come on….when your girlfriend asks you “do I look pretty today?” who in his right frame of mind would have the guts to pull off a “No love, you look like a horse today”

Oh…and don’t even get me started on the “I’ve highlighted my hair, did u notice the 27 strands of hair which have a slight shade of purple among the rest which are shade of burgundy…or, did you notice my new toe ring. It’s the latest addition to my jewelry collection …or, did you notice my new pair of sandals which complete my set of 35 identical pair of sandals”…the list goes on. I’m honestly telling you… my breed doesn’t stand a chance.

Its pretty strange…the hold women have on men. I guess men are a wild race and women have the ability to domesticate them. Kapil says that slavery was abolished years ago and given a new name…”commitment”. I dare not comment on it. The last time I openly agreed with Kapil was the last time I openly used my true name. (For those of you who were wondering why I go by the name “bafra”…well now you know).

Anyway…the moral of the story being when it comes to women, if you’re not sure what would be the right thing to say or do , DO NOT use your judgment…call for back up…preferably your mom.

Have a safe weekend you all and may the force be with you….and oh…for your information….GOD is a she

It's on the cards...

I was talking to my folks last night. The question I need to answer during every single conversation is “Oye, Son. When are you coming home”? I know it sounds so sweet that my folks miss me soooo much etc etc.…. it’s the next question that kills me. “ …and when are you planning to get married”?

Thanks, but no thanks.

It’s strange how 90% of the time, it’s mom who puts forth the query. For the untrained eye it would be safe to assume that my dad’s pretty cool about that whole marriage thingie. Not True. My dad doesn’t have the guts to face up to the aftermath of such a conversation. He’s shit scared of his only son and the tantrums that his pampered brat might throw. So what does he do? He uses mom as his spokesperson. For a person who has a resounding military past, it’s hard for anyone to imagine how a man of such sturdy stature could be such a wimp when it comes to his son….hehehe.

On days when mom chooses not to be the puppet to front the issue, dad is forced to play a lead role. Such days…and mind you there aren’t too many of these… are pretty entertaining. Dad goes into his innocent “Who me??? Couldn’t be” routine. Yes, it runs in the family.

Of late my niece, who’s all of 16yrs of age, has taken this responsibility upon herself. I’m assuming my dad is funding this clandestine operation. She keeps digging for matrimonial prospects and whenever we exchange our hellos on MSN, I’m subjected to a quick dose of interrogation therapy. If she had it her way, I'd be married this weekend…and again the next weekend and then the weekend after that…and the one after that…and so on. Nice.

I’m telling you guys, it’s a major conspiracy. Everyone is a part of it. You can’t trust anyone.

I tried telling my folks that I wasn’t ready for it. Then I tired telling them that I’ll find a girl for myself on my own. Then I tried telling my folks that I’ve found a girl for myself on my own…and when that didn’t work I even tried to convince my folks that I was…you know…. not what I seemed to be …u know…. slightly “tuti-fruity”. And yet my folks haven’t given up on their search. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get them off my case. Any non-wise ass ideas anyone?

Amol and Kapil…I don’t want any inspiration coming from you guys. I’m better off on my own. Thanks for your support…or actually, rather the lack of it.